Funny Birthday Sayings and Quotes

Looking to tickle the right funny bone with birthday wishes for your favorite person? You’ve come to the right place. We’ve compiled a collection of humorous and funny birthday quotes and sayings guaranteed to make them smile. Check out the list below.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn
Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18. Mark Twain
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. Rev. Larry Lorenzoni
My Birthday! What a difference sound That word had in my youthful ears; And how each time the day comes round, Less and less white its mark appears. Thomas Moore
As you get older, three things happen.The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. Norman Wisdom
Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don't have to chase it. Greg Tamblyn
You're getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it. Felix Severn
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it. Golda Meir
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. Theodore Roosevelt
After 30, a body has a mind of its own. Bette Midler
The Best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. H. V. Prochnow
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Billie Burke
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Jack Benny
Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed. Anthony Powell
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. Tom Wilson
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday, but never remembers her age. Robert Frost
When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents. Blair Sabol
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. Anonymous
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope
The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet. Robert Orben
Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake. Anonymous
When I was little I thought, isn't it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it's July 4th. Gloria Stuart
At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all. John M Eades
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. Jerry M. Wright
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.' Steven Wright
If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. George Burns
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. Kitty Collins
To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. Bernard Baruch
The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana. Betty White
That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing. Bob Hope
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. Branch Rickey
Just remember once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. Charles Schultz
Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened. Cora Harvey Armstrong
The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. Doris Day
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. Dorothy Canfield Fisher
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. Erma Bombeck
Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations. Faith Baldwin
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net. Franklin Pierce Adams
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. George Burns
All the world is a birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. George Harrison
Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. Harold Coffin
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off. Joan Rivers
If you survive long enough, you’re revered-rather like an old building. Katherine Hepburn
One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless. Liz Smith
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. Lucille Ball
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So, I got a cake! Mitch Hedberg
Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it! Nicky Gumbel
Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you. Ogden Nash
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. Ogden Nash
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. Oprah Winfrey
"Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old who are only my age." Richard Armour
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't. Richard Bach
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire. Rodney Dangerfield
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier…I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Steven Wright
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. unknown
You know you are getting old when the birthday candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself unknown
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. unknown
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday and it said that I need an upgrade. unknown
Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Will Rogers
From our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye. William Butler Yeats