Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Erma Bombeck quotes, Erma Bombeck sayings, and Erma Bombeck proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.Erma Bombeck
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.Erma Bombeck
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.Erma Bombeck
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.Erma Bombeck
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me.Erma Bombeck
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.Erma Bombeck
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Every puppy should have a boy.Erma Bombeck
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.Erma Bombeck
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.Erma Bombeck
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the "Titanic" who waved off the dessert cart.Erma Bombeck
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.Erma Bombeck
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.Erma Bombeck
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.Erma Bombeck
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.Erma Bombeck
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.Erma Bombeck
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.Erma Bombeck
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.Erma Bombeck
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Never have more children than you have car windows.Erma Bombeck
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.Erma Bombeck
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.Erma Bombeck
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.Erma Bombeck
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Never have more children than you have car windows.Erma Bombeck
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.Erma Bombeck
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.Erma Bombeck
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Never have more children than you have car windows.Erma Bombeck
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.Erma Bombeck
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For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck
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Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.Erma Bombeck
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.Erma Bombeck
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.Erma Bombeck