Stoner Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old stoner quotes, stoner sayings, and stoner proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

I know you're supposed to tell kids not to do drugs, but, kids, do it! Do weed! Don’t do the other stuff, but weed is good. Kevin Smith
And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. King James Bible
Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable. Kurt Vonnegut
Marijuana, when mixed with hay, causes death to the horses that eat it. Kyle Grayson
It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics dope and all that crap. It’s a thousand times better than whiskey it’s an assistant a friend. Louis Armstrong
Of course I know how to roll a joint. Martha Stewart
You know you're a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Marley cake. Miley Cyrus
Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis. I applaud and support all of the legalization. Nick Offerman
Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis. I applaud and support all of the legalization. Nick Offerman
Is marijuana addictive. Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating. Richard Neville
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. Robin Williams
Weed makes me feel the way I need to feel. Snoop Dogg
I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of Maine. There’s some pretty good homegrown dope. I'm sure it would be even better if you could grow it with fertilizers and have greenhouses. Stephen King
I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening. Or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid afternoon, or perhaps the late mid afternoon. Oh, sometimes the early mid late early morning but never at dusk! Never at dusk. I would never do that. Steve Martin
If God dropped acid, would he see people? Steven Wright
If the words life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness don't include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn’t worth the hemp it was written on. Terence McKenna
Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye can see. Thomas Jefferson
They've outlawed the number one vegetable on the planet. Timothy Leary
A joint a day keeps the bad mood away. unknown
Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could. William F. Buckley
The face of “evil” is always the face of total need. A dope fiend is a man in total need of dope. Beyond a certain frequency need knows absolutely no limit or control. In the words of total need: “Wouldn't you?” Yes you would. You would lie, cheat, inform on your friends, steal, do anything to satisfy total need. Because you would be in a state of total sickness, total possession, and not in a position to act in any other way. William S. Burroughs
If you substitute marijuana for tobacco and alcohol, you'll add eight to 24 years to your life. Jack Herer
Stop killing each other man. Let's just smoke a blunt. Tupac
I've been smoking marijuana for 44 years now, and … I think it's a tremendous blessing. Lester Grinspoon
The biggest killer on the planet is stress and I still think the best medicine is and always has been cannabis. Willie Nelson
Instead of taking five or six of the prescriptions, I decided to go a natural route and smoke marijuana. Melissa Etheridge